Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Aimless...
Aimless...
Was just thinking about what I really want in a job. I have always wanted a family-oriented job, one which gives me enough time with my family and friends and which is steady, secure and pays decently. And it seems that my job gives me all this. I can leave on the dot most of the time, take leave without much difficulty and I even have time to blog and surf internet during office hours. What more could a person ask for? I m really trying to convince myself that it's just how I feel at times and generally, everything is very fine. But somehow, deep down inside, I dun want to be doing the kind of job I m doing for the rest of my life. Simply, cuz I dun enjoy it. I dun enjoy writing all the stupid papers, having to justify for things I find hard to be passionate about. And most of all, I hate the way things work here, that everything is determined by one single decision-maker, who only wants things done her way and is not exactly receptive to new ways of doing things.
Then sometimes, I think about whether I m complaining too much, that in every other place, there is bound to be a person like that and how many people out there are really doing what they truly enjoy? Perhaps, some people learn to love their jobs, try to love their jobs and adapt to fit into their jobs along the way, but truly how many people actually really enjoy and love what they are doing from the start? It seems to be that most people are working cuz they want the money for their desires or they need the money for survival.
I m getting quite sick of my job. Just today, my boss called me like at half hour intervals to either remind me of things, give me new things to do or chase me for something, which I was only given 1 day back. I guess I can't say I m overtaxed, cuz the fact is, I leave very much on the dot almost every day but I guess I dun feel good after hearing my boss say that "whether you are a bit better or a bit worse off than another person, it's not alot of difference, you will still get the same PB." Obviously, that makes me wonder why people who are a bit better should even bother to be even that little bit better at all? Cuz at the end of the day, most of us here are working to get paid, so if you are saying that whether you do more or less doesn't make a difference to your pay, then why should I be doing more? And why should I even bother to try harder? And I guess to add to that, he told me that whatever I was doing was expected of me. Now, I m not saying I m doing alot of "unexpected" and "big bang" kind of things but I have realised quite some time back that I m always the one putting up papers, even last minute ones, while my partner puts up like one paper every now and then and gets to take her time to do it. Not that I want to be calculative about such things cuz my partner is a nice person actually but because she stays so late, my boss actually told me she is very committed and dedicated to her work although he doesn't understand why she takes so long to do things. I mean if the output is low and he sees staying back as a form of dedication and commitment, then that's not very fair to me. Cuz honestly, if you were to talk abt dedication and commitment, I guess I can't compare to my partner, cuz I have a life..I dun spend my Friday evenings in the office, just cuz I have nothing else to do, unlike my partner. But I do provide my boss with whatever he needs within the deadlines and rush things out for him when he needs it.
Although at times, he tells me things like "I have more faith in you, I think you make better decisions than your partner and I think you will do a better job handling this than her" but at the end of the day, our PB are the same! Why the heck should I be taking on more responsibilities when both of us are rewarded the same way?
Then he is always saying that we are not doing enough, which I agree to some extent, cuz I do think there are other things we could do. But the problem here is that whatever we want to do has to go though our big boss, who is one hell of a woman to work with. She is damn fussy, fickleminded and at times, ridiculous! I told my boss that whatever we have proposed to her before, she had sat on it till the paper turned yellow and then just decided to put it aside cuz she had other more important considerations. Now, some other unit is doing it, and she is asking us what we have done so far. It's not like we dun want to do it, it's just that she didn't see it of value at that time, and probably she doesn't see our dept as having much value anyway, cuz it's like so damn hard to fix a meeting with her and whenever she hears our dept's name, she rejects the appointment straight away. I just can't stand the way things work here.
Then my boss was telling me that my big boss is very kind-hearted and for that, he is grateful. Cuz he said he wanted to give one of our support staff a D cuz she was really underperforming, which meant she would not get any PB, but my big boss over rode his decision and decided to give her a C so that she would at least get some PB. I think this is quite ridiculous, cuz it also means that over here, everyone gets around the same performance grading, unless you are damn good and get an A or B, otherwise, everyone else basically gets the same and no one ever gets D. I just feel it's so unjustifiable. Not that I m so bad hearted that I think that that particular support staff should get D but then again, there has to be fairness in everything. How would other staff ever feel motivated if they knew what actually happened in this case? It's like over here, everything really depends on whether my big boss likes you or not. She calls the shots on our PB, and whatever output you produce doesnt really matter.
I know that everywhere else, whether your boss or big boss likes you really plays an important role, but I also think that in other places, work output would account for a huge proportion of your performance review. Unlike here, where it's just an unimportant piece of paper, cuz when my big boss is deciding on the PB, she doesnt even look at the report, she only looks at the name and face!
Then sometimes, I think about whether I m complaining too much, that in every other place, there is bound to be a person like that and how many people out there are really doing what they truly enjoy? Perhaps, some people learn to love their jobs, try to love their jobs and adapt to fit into their jobs along the way, but truly how many people actually really enjoy and love what they are doing from the start? It seems to be that most people are working cuz they want the money for their desires or they need the money for survival.
I m getting quite sick of my job. Just today, my boss called me like at half hour intervals to either remind me of things, give me new things to do or chase me for something, which I was only given 1 day back. I guess I can't say I m overtaxed, cuz the fact is, I leave very much on the dot almost every day but I guess I dun feel good after hearing my boss say that "whether you are a bit better or a bit worse off than another person, it's not alot of difference, you will still get the same PB." Obviously, that makes me wonder why people who are a bit better should even bother to be even that little bit better at all? Cuz at the end of the day, most of us here are working to get paid, so if you are saying that whether you do more or less doesn't make a difference to your pay, then why should I be doing more? And why should I even bother to try harder? And I guess to add to that, he told me that whatever I was doing was expected of me. Now, I m not saying I m doing alot of "unexpected" and "big bang" kind of things but I have realised quite some time back that I m always the one putting up papers, even last minute ones, while my partner puts up like one paper every now and then and gets to take her time to do it. Not that I want to be calculative about such things cuz my partner is a nice person actually but because she stays so late, my boss actually told me she is very committed and dedicated to her work although he doesn't understand why she takes so long to do things. I mean if the output is low and he sees staying back as a form of dedication and commitment, then that's not very fair to me. Cuz honestly, if you were to talk abt dedication and commitment, I guess I can't compare to my partner, cuz I have a life..I dun spend my Friday evenings in the office, just cuz I have nothing else to do, unlike my partner. But I do provide my boss with whatever he needs within the deadlines and rush things out for him when he needs it.
Although at times, he tells me things like "I have more faith in you, I think you make better decisions than your partner and I think you will do a better job handling this than her" but at the end of the day, our PB are the same! Why the heck should I be taking on more responsibilities when both of us are rewarded the same way?
Then he is always saying that we are not doing enough, which I agree to some extent, cuz I do think there are other things we could do. But the problem here is that whatever we want to do has to go though our big boss, who is one hell of a woman to work with. She is damn fussy, fickleminded and at times, ridiculous! I told my boss that whatever we have proposed to her before, she had sat on it till the paper turned yellow and then just decided to put it aside cuz she had other more important considerations. Now, some other unit is doing it, and she is asking us what we have done so far. It's not like we dun want to do it, it's just that she didn't see it of value at that time, and probably she doesn't see our dept as having much value anyway, cuz it's like so damn hard to fix a meeting with her and whenever she hears our dept's name, she rejects the appointment straight away. I just can't stand the way things work here.
Then my boss was telling me that my big boss is very kind-hearted and for that, he is grateful. Cuz he said he wanted to give one of our support staff a D cuz she was really underperforming, which meant she would not get any PB, but my big boss over rode his decision and decided to give her a C so that she would at least get some PB. I think this is quite ridiculous, cuz it also means that over here, everyone gets around the same performance grading, unless you are damn good and get an A or B, otherwise, everyone else basically gets the same and no one ever gets D. I just feel it's so unjustifiable. Not that I m so bad hearted that I think that that particular support staff should get D but then again, there has to be fairness in everything. How would other staff ever feel motivated if they knew what actually happened in this case? It's like over here, everything really depends on whether my big boss likes you or not. She calls the shots on our PB, and whatever output you produce doesnt really matter.
I know that everywhere else, whether your boss or big boss likes you really plays an important role, but I also think that in other places, work output would account for a huge proportion of your performance review. Unlike here, where it's just an unimportant piece of paper, cuz when my big boss is deciding on the PB, she doesnt even look at the report, she only looks at the name and face!
Kimmie scribbles
2:29 pm |