Tuesday, June 13, 2006
What's at Stake?

Was just chatting with Estacy and just felt very prompted to write about how I feel. Have not been blogging for sometime, due in part to other distractions like my cross-stitch, which I'm almost completing and my photo arrangement, which I have just completed. Am now doing up another one for our travels, but that will have to wait for the time being...

Been feeling rather moody these days and thinking again about life.... After staying here for a while, I can say with conviction that I really hate staying in Vietnam. Perhaps, I have been trying to adapt, trying to see the pleasant and positive and good side of staying here but the only "good" thing it seems is only because I can be with my hubby. Other than that, after going through all the pros and cons, there is just no absolute reason why our lives would be better off working for his cousin here than working for other people back in Singapore.

First and foremost would be of course "money" because that's probably the reason why people work though there are always the rare and unusual few who claim they love their jobs and are passionate about it. I guess Piggy is also working here for his cousin cuz he feels that there is the prospect of earning far more than what he could have been earning in Singapore. I really dunno...perhaps his bonus may really surpass what both of us could possibly earn for a couple of years, but is money all that matters? Yeah, with money, we could comfortably buy a really nice and big house and do it the nicest possible of ways, but would a beautiful "house" be equivalent to a "home"? To me, a home doesn't need to be the most posh and most expensively-furnished. Yeah, it's good to have such things if it's within yr means, but I feel that the pathway to gaining these things shouldn't be at the expense of other things...things like time, my feelings, etc...

Honestly, I feel damn pissed and sick and tired of the fact that Piggy is travelling so frequently even though he is already based away from his home country. I really dun understand why his boss cannot understand that Piggy has a life to lead. He also has a wife who has given up her job temporarily to be with him in Vietnam. His boss himself also knows how to go back to Thailand to visit his family frequently. Does he think that Piggy is an exception just because his wife has "shifted" here to be with him?

It really upsets me sometimes. I didn't take unpaid leave to spend time alone in Vietnam, while he travels for business. It's bad enough being away from Singapore and now with his frequent travelling, it really sucks. And by "frequent", I mean like once every two weeks or so. And you can't expect me to fly back to Spore every two weeks or so right? Yeah, I know he can't help it but I can't help feeling upset too. I'm human afterall, and having to adapt to so much changes since he decided he wanted to come to this damn place to work is already quite alot to bear. I just wish he could try to understand my feelings sometimes...

As Estacy and I were discussing just now, it's really not that bad coming back to Singapore to work. My FIL's plan for us is that we will work here for a few yrs and then go back to Singapore and according to him, by that time, we could just take on normal jobs and not have to slog so hard like every other Singaporean couple working and paying for their houses with their CPF. It seems to imply that nobody can ever make it big by working in Singapore and most people just slog their lives off paying for their houses. I beg to differ...

Cuz it's quite common for bankers to be earning like 10K a month in Singapore and Estacy was telling me that in her bf's company, the senior staff in their 30s & 40s are earning like 5 figure income, and it's not like they slog very hard. They have decent 5-day wks, perhaps may need to OT sometimes but look at Piggy, he OTs almost all the time if you consider the no. of hours he stays in the office and the wkends he has to be at the office. I dun care if he does nothing much in the office but the fact is he is away from home for this no. of hours and when he comes home, he is on the computer, answering emails and calling his vendors. And he is not even earning half of what those people are earning. And just quoting Estacy's bf as an example, he is my age, i.e. 3 yrs younger than Piggy, with a nomal business degree, and he is already earning higher than what Piggy is earning...and best of all, he works 5 days a week and has time to spend with her on wkends and even on wkdays. And no, he is not a scholar. Furthermore, our earning powers in Spore are supposed to increase with age. Who says you need to slog in Singapore? And I m just quoting one out of the numerous examples out there.

And Piggy once said to me " You think working in Spore will be so good meh? 5-day week with high pay? Alot of people also work on Sats and Suns..." I am not denying that alot of people work on wkends but these are usually property agents, insurance agents and the sales people, and the reason they do so is because they get the most biz when the majority of Sporeans are not working! Of course, I dun want to make it sound like a sweeping statement. I know there are always those who work riduculous hours and get pays that can buy one HDB flat a day, but I m not talking about those people, but I m just making reference to normal people, who can also live comfortably, lead a normal life and afford a HOME.

However, money is still not the main issue. I have brought it up first cuz that's the number one reason why people work. So if you work, and especially so away based elsewhere, you should have a considerably higher income to justify moving there in the first place. Because, it's not just to pay you for working (unlike if we were working in Spore), it's also to compensate you for having to adapt to different cultures and ways of living, for the impact done to your spouse, for the lost of time with family & friends, for the inconveniences caused due to language differences, etc. But as we can see above, his job here already does not meet the very basic requirement of a justifiable income.

2nd thing to consider is interest, cuz that's usually the 2nd thing you look for in a job although it's common for people not to end up doing something they like too. Yeah, Piggy is in the IT department, supposedly doing the "IT-related" kind of job he had hoped to do, but then as can be seen from what he tells me, that's clearly not the case. Apart from a lot of administrative and liaison work, I dun see how he is putting his technical knowledge to use. I even asked him once if it was actually related to what he studied and he said no. Yup, I know that in real life, very often, you dun usually get to apply whatever u learnt in textbks to real life scenarios but the point I m trying to bring across is that his job is nothing close to what he would have been keen to do.

Then the other day, he told me that perhaps, he should switch department to what his brother was doing or perhaps follow his cousin around. But I think that would have been far worse and probably even more unsuitable for him. Cuz whatever his bro or his cousin are doing is nothing related to IT or engineering. And the hours are even more ridiculous. To me, I feel that he should just stop moping around for something which is not even existent in the first place. I just feel that he should just quit searching and experimenting and just go back to Singapore and look for a proper job there so that we can get on with our lives. Tired of the government service?...Look for jobs in MNCs. With the economy picking up, there are more new job openings nowadays and with Piggy's working experience I believe that he can get something better than what he is currently doing, with decent work hours and bonuses. Yeah, perhaps not like the kind you get when you strike "toto" but do we really need this kind of money?

That links to the house..yes, as I have mentioned before, I would really like a place of my own and Piggy probably feels that "No money, how to buy house?"...so of course, got to work. But in my opinion, if we cannot afford a condo now, then buy one when we can afford it, which is definitely not too far away, if we both hold just normal jobs in Spore. Estacy was telling me that alot of the couples looking at condos that she had met during her showflats visits are usually in their early 30s. So that basically implies that if we can't afford one now, we can probably afford one at that time. Then Piggy asked me "You dun want to stay in condo meh? You prefer to stay in flat meh?" Of course, if given a choice, who wouldn't prefer a condo with all the facilities and security? But my point is, it is not a must, and "a house doesn't make a home". And I dun want us to be slogging off our assets to be paying for a condo. And if the condo is empty all the time because of his frequent travelling, then what's the point? Also, I m not really keen about waiting another 3-4 years for a new condo to TOP. Most people will plan for a home either before marriage or after getting married but if we were to wait for a house for this long, then what do we do meanwhile? Stay in Vietnam and continue with this kind of undesirable lifestyle?

I would rather stay in a flat, and make it a real home, one with "ren qi", not an empty house, where the master is always busy making a living. And I feel that both of us can comfortably do that in Spore and still afford ocassional getaways.

With his current job, we hardly have time to travel anywhere, even our honeymoon was a pathetic 5 days 4 nights. Alot of my friends were amazed to hear it, cuz honeymoon is like the "once-in-a-lifetime" kind of travel and usually people splurge both time and money on it. But we couldn't afford the luxury of time...

At the end of the day, I think it's our values that matters, that will ultimately determine what we need to do next. For me, I value family and quality time over money, I won't sacrifice that for any amount of money in the world. Cuz I feel that money can't buy "happiness", at best, it can satisfy for the moment but never for long. You will always feel empty if you have all the money in the world but no time to spend it with your loved ones..but I guess this world is all about money, money and more money, which is where we have to be wary. You may end up chasing money so hard that you lose sight of certain values in the process, and you may never learn to appreciate them again next time.

So the bottomline is that I hope that we will both move back to Spore for GOOD very very soon..I really hate it here! Miss my family and all my friends and all the good food and shopping in Spore!

Kimmie scribbles
4:55 pm |

=-+-=