Friday, April 21, 2006
Time is of essence
Time is of essence
Piggy just came back on Wed evening, but since then I haven't had a single meal together with him and tomorrow he is flying back. Feel kinda sad that things are this way. Guess I need to be understanding cuz I know he is really occupied with his work but I m beginning to feel that whether he is in Spore or overseas makes no difference to me anymore. Both of us are like leading our own separate lives and I think that's really sad, considering that we are newly married and not some old couple who has been married for donkey years.
E was just telling me yesterday that she used to feel very angry when her bf worked and worked and didn't set aside time for her. She said it's one thing to be very busy with work and another to make that conscious effort to set aside time for your partner. And it's not just time infront of the TV, but really quality time together, like going out alone together for a meal, a movie or just to do something together. And I totally agreed with her but sometimes I feel very helpless. I feel as if I dun have much say in all this. E said I should express my opinions to Piggy but the thing is I hardly have a good chance to really have a good talk with him. Sometimes I feel that his job is probably more important to him than I am. I feel that nowadays, he is more driven by money than anything else and that's kinda sad to me, cuz money can't buy alot of things in the world. No doubt it's important but it should never be above everything else. Cuz at the end of the day, so what if you live in the biggest house, drive the biggest car and have more money than anyone could dream of? Would that make you really happy? I feel that even if it does, it would only be for a fleeting moment. Cuz if you dun have other things to hold dear to, then it's kinda pointless.
So I m not sure if I really want to go over on Mon or perhaps wait till later. Cuz he will be flying to Taiwan on Wed anyway and I will be stuck with Apple for a week. Not that it's that bad, just that I dun want to be accompanying her to the casino everyday or be in her room, taking in 2nd-hand smoke all the time. Think I will just concentrate on my story books and cross-stitch when I m there. Honestly, I dun really feel that Piggy working over in Vietnam is going to give us a better life. It's not like his salary can cover what I m earning in Spore. Not that my pay here is fantastic, but at least it's decent enough to meet my needs, like paying my bills, giving my parents some, etc. I really dunno how I m going to cope financially over the next few months. I m already drawing on my savings to pay for the honeymoon, and some of the other wedding expenses which were incurred earlier, but the bills only came now. At least when I m working, I felt that I have enough to make ends meet. But without a job, I just feel kinda insecure. Dunno why, maybe I have been too used to working in the past.
Then I think about whether we can really save so much based on his single income instead of a double income. And money aside, the extra hours he has to put in at work, is it all well worth the extra money? Then I asked Piggy that day what would happen if I m pregnant? Are you going to give up your job to come back with me to Spore? He couldn't give me a definitive answer, which makes me kind of sad. Cuz like E & Poodie said, this is something impt and it concerns both of us. Having a baby is not just one person's business. I think times now are different from the past when the woman is only expected to give birth and do housework. Maybe Piggy just wants to take things one step at a time but I feel I need a more definite answer like "If yes, what will we do?" and "If no, what will we do?" There has to be a backup plan for both options. Cuz after all I gave up my job temporarily just so that we could live together for a while. To me, it's a sacrifice, it's not just so easy like just quitting and saying goodbye. There are issues I have to cope with, changes I have to adapt to and sometimes I wish he could be more understanding towards my needs. I m not like Apple, although she said she gave up everything to stay with his brother in Vietnam, but what exactly did she give up? She didn't study much to begin with and her job probably didn't earn her that much as well. And now, she does almost nothing everyday except go to the casino whenever she is bored and she probably gets a handsome allowance each month. Isn't that in comparison a better life for her? But seeing her this way makes me scared cuz I dun want to end up like that...Then I am also worried that my mind will waste away if I stay there and do nothing for too long, but I m determined to read and keep my brain working everyday.
E was just telling me yesterday that she used to feel very angry when her bf worked and worked and didn't set aside time for her. She said it's one thing to be very busy with work and another to make that conscious effort to set aside time for your partner. And it's not just time infront of the TV, but really quality time together, like going out alone together for a meal, a movie or just to do something together. And I totally agreed with her but sometimes I feel very helpless. I feel as if I dun have much say in all this. E said I should express my opinions to Piggy but the thing is I hardly have a good chance to really have a good talk with him. Sometimes I feel that his job is probably more important to him than I am. I feel that nowadays, he is more driven by money than anything else and that's kinda sad to me, cuz money can't buy alot of things in the world. No doubt it's important but it should never be above everything else. Cuz at the end of the day, so what if you live in the biggest house, drive the biggest car and have more money than anyone could dream of? Would that make you really happy? I feel that even if it does, it would only be for a fleeting moment. Cuz if you dun have other things to hold dear to, then it's kinda pointless.
So I m not sure if I really want to go over on Mon or perhaps wait till later. Cuz he will be flying to Taiwan on Wed anyway and I will be stuck with Apple for a week. Not that it's that bad, just that I dun want to be accompanying her to the casino everyday or be in her room, taking in 2nd-hand smoke all the time. Think I will just concentrate on my story books and cross-stitch when I m there. Honestly, I dun really feel that Piggy working over in Vietnam is going to give us a better life. It's not like his salary can cover what I m earning in Spore. Not that my pay here is fantastic, but at least it's decent enough to meet my needs, like paying my bills, giving my parents some, etc. I really dunno how I m going to cope financially over the next few months. I m already drawing on my savings to pay for the honeymoon, and some of the other wedding expenses which were incurred earlier, but the bills only came now. At least when I m working, I felt that I have enough to make ends meet. But without a job, I just feel kinda insecure. Dunno why, maybe I have been too used to working in the past.
Then I think about whether we can really save so much based on his single income instead of a double income. And money aside, the extra hours he has to put in at work, is it all well worth the extra money? Then I asked Piggy that day what would happen if I m pregnant? Are you going to give up your job to come back with me to Spore? He couldn't give me a definitive answer, which makes me kind of sad. Cuz like E & Poodie said, this is something impt and it concerns both of us. Having a baby is not just one person's business. I think times now are different from the past when the woman is only expected to give birth and do housework. Maybe Piggy just wants to take things one step at a time but I feel I need a more definite answer like "If yes, what will we do?" and "If no, what will we do?" There has to be a backup plan for both options. Cuz after all I gave up my job temporarily just so that we could live together for a while. To me, it's a sacrifice, it's not just so easy like just quitting and saying goodbye. There are issues I have to cope with, changes I have to adapt to and sometimes I wish he could be more understanding towards my needs. I m not like Apple, although she said she gave up everything to stay with his brother in Vietnam, but what exactly did she give up? She didn't study much to begin with and her job probably didn't earn her that much as well. And now, she does almost nothing everyday except go to the casino whenever she is bored and she probably gets a handsome allowance each month. Isn't that in comparison a better life for her? But seeing her this way makes me scared cuz I dun want to end up like that...Then I am also worried that my mind will waste away if I stay there and do nothing for too long, but I m determined to read and keep my brain working everyday.
Kimmie scribbles
2:39 pm |