Sunday, September 25, 2005
Meaning of Life
Meaning of Life
Had a rather tiring day today, spent the whole day with apple. We went to Tampines for her slimming session, then went to do our nails. Aftter that, I went for a massage at Vanilla (haven't been there for quite some time already), it was really good. Maybe nowadays, I feel super stressed up, felt more relaxed after the massage. Then we proceeded to Bugis Junction and bought some stuff at Sasa. Dunno what's wrong with my face nowadays, kept breaking out even though I tried to eat properly and dutifully do the 3-step skincare routine. Maybe there are just too many things on my mind...
But I m happy to have spent a rather meaningful day with apple, got to know her better too. We chatted and she told me certain things which sort of made me think deeper about life. Not that I dun think deep enough about life, I do & I have my principles about life which I feel strongly about. But just that listening to her talk about the world, the people around and the problems she has sometimes made me feel rather sentimental and perhaps a little sad too. At how helpless a person can be sometimes when things happen, at how some things are simply beyond your control. At how sometimes, environment can change a person. Maybe u just unwittingly become a part of the environment and just blend in slowly without even realising it. ..& I think that's sad..
Guess, nobody can tell the future and people always say uncertainty brings with it excitement. Perhaps sometimes, I dun really want uncertainty yet can't help it cuz the world is changing. Whatever it it, I think the most important thing in life is to be happy & to me, being happy doesn't mean having all the money in the world. Even if you have millions of dollars, if your life is just a buzz or if you hardly have time to spend with your loved ones, what's the point of having all the money in the world? Maybe I am just a very contented person, which my friends always say about me. Perhaps, because I have always felt that it's not too good to be too rich cuz when you have too much money, temptations abound all around you and if you are not strong-willed enough, you just succumb to it. And even if you are strong-willed, if you are constantly subjected to certain tempations, how long can your will resist you? Guess then it would be something personal, something deep within that urges you and reminds you of what's right and what's wrong. But then there are always people who know what's right and wrong and still persist in doing wrong, perhaps subconsicously.
Guess sometimes it's also due to the environment you are in as I mentioned. I remembered when I was in secondary school, I was able to speak English and Chinese relatively well cuz my friends at that time all spoke a mixture of english and chinese. Then when I progressed to JC, my friends mostly spoke English, so guess I was influenced as well without intending to and my chinese results in JC suffered a little as well, which I never thought it would cuz I speak Chinese at home. Also, my friends all thought I came from a convent school (when in actual fact, I didn't) and was not good in Chinese. The fact is, I really felt that my Chinese deteriorated during my JC years. Cuz during my 'A' level Chinese Oral, I remembered I had to think hard how to say a certain word in Chinese cuz in my head, I can only describe it in English. But over the years, through uni and now having worked for almost 4 years, I have more or less gotten back my grasp of Chinese and is now back to speaking a mixture of Chinese & English because the people around me whom I come into contact with everyday do that. My point is, the environment can really change a person, without meaning to....
And guess that's why sometimes I feel rather apprehensive about the future. Though in a way, it's exciting to embrace an unknown tomorrow, yet I feel scared sometimes. Of the things that may happen, of the uncertainty, of the unknown possibilities...& especially now I guess, since piggy and I are apart. I worry about him, about his work, about the people he mixes with, about the environment he is in and about the situations he will be put into and whether the environment will change him and if so, for the better or the worse. Guess these are things I can't control so sometimes I feel helpless but I try to remember what piggy told me before, that "whatever happens in the future, we will go through it together. " This is one of the things piggy said to me when he proposed to me and it has always been etched in my heart. I really hope that what we have gone through before and the promises we have made will always remind us of our committment towards each other.
Perhaps, today I am just feeling a little over-sentimental, after chatting with apple. Because maybe what she told me opened me up to something new, something which passed my mind but pehaps did not overwhelm me enough to probe me to think deeper before. Perhaps, tomorrow, I will just see things with a more light-hearted spirit although in essence, I know life is complicated.
I hope tomorrow will be a good start to the week ahead, despite it being a Monday. Dread work but hope I can fight the Monday blues!
But I m happy to have spent a rather meaningful day with apple, got to know her better too. We chatted and she told me certain things which sort of made me think deeper about life. Not that I dun think deep enough about life, I do & I have my principles about life which I feel strongly about. But just that listening to her talk about the world, the people around and the problems she has sometimes made me feel rather sentimental and perhaps a little sad too. At how helpless a person can be sometimes when things happen, at how some things are simply beyond your control. At how sometimes, environment can change a person. Maybe u just unwittingly become a part of the environment and just blend in slowly without even realising it. ..& I think that's sad..
Guess, nobody can tell the future and people always say uncertainty brings with it excitement. Perhaps sometimes, I dun really want uncertainty yet can't help it cuz the world is changing. Whatever it it, I think the most important thing in life is to be happy & to me, being happy doesn't mean having all the money in the world. Even if you have millions of dollars, if your life is just a buzz or if you hardly have time to spend with your loved ones, what's the point of having all the money in the world? Maybe I am just a very contented person, which my friends always say about me. Perhaps, because I have always felt that it's not too good to be too rich cuz when you have too much money, temptations abound all around you and if you are not strong-willed enough, you just succumb to it. And even if you are strong-willed, if you are constantly subjected to certain tempations, how long can your will resist you? Guess then it would be something personal, something deep within that urges you and reminds you of what's right and what's wrong. But then there are always people who know what's right and wrong and still persist in doing wrong, perhaps subconsicously.
Guess sometimes it's also due to the environment you are in as I mentioned. I remembered when I was in secondary school, I was able to speak English and Chinese relatively well cuz my friends at that time all spoke a mixture of english and chinese. Then when I progressed to JC, my friends mostly spoke English, so guess I was influenced as well without intending to and my chinese results in JC suffered a little as well, which I never thought it would cuz I speak Chinese at home. Also, my friends all thought I came from a convent school (when in actual fact, I didn't) and was not good in Chinese. The fact is, I really felt that my Chinese deteriorated during my JC years. Cuz during my 'A' level Chinese Oral, I remembered I had to think hard how to say a certain word in Chinese cuz in my head, I can only describe it in English. But over the years, through uni and now having worked for almost 4 years, I have more or less gotten back my grasp of Chinese and is now back to speaking a mixture of Chinese & English because the people around me whom I come into contact with everyday do that. My point is, the environment can really change a person, without meaning to....
And guess that's why sometimes I feel rather apprehensive about the future. Though in a way, it's exciting to embrace an unknown tomorrow, yet I feel scared sometimes. Of the things that may happen, of the uncertainty, of the unknown possibilities...& especially now I guess, since piggy and I are apart. I worry about him, about his work, about the people he mixes with, about the environment he is in and about the situations he will be put into and whether the environment will change him and if so, for the better or the worse. Guess these are things I can't control so sometimes I feel helpless but I try to remember what piggy told me before, that "whatever happens in the future, we will go through it together. " This is one of the things piggy said to me when he proposed to me and it has always been etched in my heart. I really hope that what we have gone through before and the promises we have made will always remind us of our committment towards each other.
Perhaps, today I am just feeling a little over-sentimental, after chatting with apple. Because maybe what she told me opened me up to something new, something which passed my mind but pehaps did not overwhelm me enough to probe me to think deeper before. Perhaps, tomorrow, I will just see things with a more light-hearted spirit although in essence, I know life is complicated.
I hope tomorrow will be a good start to the week ahead, despite it being a Monday. Dread work but hope I can fight the Monday blues!
Kimmie scribbles
10:07 pm |